As for actual gaming, I’ve spent the past three weeks fixated on Dynasty Warriors 7. This 2011 release turned out to be quite an eternity project. It wasn’t even until 2013 that I picked it up from some bargain bin but back then, it didn’t seem entertaining for more than one evening. In summer 2016, I gave this ancient China brawler another brief go but it wasn’t until 2017 that I finally managed to get it off the backlog for good. Since the game is six years old already, I suppose no introductions are necessary; officers vie for the domination of the land by darting around large battlefields and beating the living daylight out of each other and their throwaway troops. I think the last game I played was 3, so it’s hard to say just how much the series has evolved. Still, 7 features at least horseback riding, siege weapons, quizzes, tons of melee weaponry, story campaigns for four different factions, and even a separate conquest mode in which the map of China has been divided into hexes that you conquer by completing the skirmishes they hold.
Dynasty Warriors 7 is actually an impeccable comfort game. Every now and then you have those moments when you’d just like to play something without actually concentrating on anything. This is when Warriors games shine. Pretty much all you have to do is learn three buttons (attacks of the light, heavy, and special variety). As the battles only last five to ten minutes each, it’s perfectly possible to just turn off your brain completely and gleefully mow down hundreds of soldiers and dozens of commanders without a care in the world. Throw in a sofa, a few beers, and a pal, and you can even enjoy a split screen co-op mode.
Dynasty Warriors 7 is awfully bloaty, though. Merely going through the four story campaigns is a bit of an ordeal due to repetition. They’re not particularly memorable stories, either, as the cinematics are mostly just officers bragging, and should someone occasionally die, there are so many lineages, loyalties, and relationships in play that it’s pretty much impossible to follow what is going on, let alone care about any of it. The conquest mode is a veritable timesink as well. Merely conquering all the hexes takes several evenings and if you decide to unlock all the skills of all the 62 playable characters (!) while also collecting pretty much everything from weapons to sworn loyalties, the amount of effort required is staggering. It was a grind hell like none other and although the game doesn’t seem to track time played, by the time I got the platinum trophy, I had completed 700 battles and vanquished 220344 foes (x . x)
These are fun maybe once every console generation but I’d now welcome a half a decade break with open arms. Except Musou Stars is right around the corner. Darn.